Honesty, even when it’s hard to both voice and hear.
Why? Because couples who are honest are emotionally close enough to one another, and trusting enough of each other to be able to hear loving, though potentially difficult truths from one another- at times when they are needed to be voiced.
Honesty results in a relationship of openness and safety. It indicates feeling safe, brave, and trusting enough with each other and in the relationship to do so. People who cannot be open and honest with each other are likely to experience far less closeness, emotional stifling, and possibly even resentment or mistrust.
They play together.
They get silly. They banter. They flirt. They have fun. They get goofy. They surprise each other. There is a lightheartedness and joy to the relationship. They seek out experiences that bring about giggles and play.
They make each other, via both word and action, one another’s number one.
This will actualize itself in a variety of different ways. To name a few though.
It will mean going out of your way for the other person. This can sometimes look like sacrificing or giving up something which isn’t easy to do so, for the relationship’s health and happiness.
It means gifting them with your time and full attention, every day.
Making someone number one will be indicative of the way you prioritize your life and time. This can sometimes mean putting aside work that feels urgent, to focus on and be with the person you love instead. It can mean standing beside them in a moment that is challenging or scary- when maybe it feels like just the two of you, standing alone together. It might mean sticking your neck out for them in a major moment.
You get the idea.
Putting your love as number one is demonstrated in both big moments and smaller ones.
They’ve got your back and they protect the relationship you share.
This can and should show itself in innumerable ways.
Speaking up when someone is rude, insulting, or mean to you- and they’re refusing to allow it.
Believing you.
Drawing lines with others in their life who might not treat you well- if such a thing were to happen.
Prioritizing your relationship instead of working too much.
Putting their phone away when with you.
Listening deeply.
Turning away from and not pursuing a connection with someone else to whom they are quite attracted.
The list goes on.
They fill the relationship with countless acts, both small and significant, of love and generosity.
This might be proofreading your manuscript. It can be writing you love notes or poems. It’s making your favorite thing for dinner after a hard day. It is celebrating and making something of it when you achieve something for which you are excited or proud. It’s picking up a sweet treat for you on their way home one night.
You get the idea. It’s infusing the relationship with generosity and reminders of their love for you, in all manner of ways, and all the time.
They listen to you, in a present, undistracted way.
Great, focused, attentive listeners are needles in a haystack nowadays. They are something of a diamond in the rough.
Vast numbers of people don’t have much (if any) sustained, legit, deep interest in others. They may have and exhibit a bit here and there. However, for most, it’s fleeting and not of much depth.
It just isn’t a priority today for many people to learn deeply about the inner lives and experiences of others- for some, this extends to even their friends and loved ones! It’s a sad thing that most people are far more interested in and caught up in themselves and their own lives.
Yet. Couples who stay emotionally close with one another and remain in love are different in this regard. They choose to make that effort and take the time to ask thoughtful, insightful questions. To really dig deep with each other. They have the interest and curiosity to want to know their love, fully and with depth. And thus, they truly listen to one another.
They maintain a semblance of manners with one another.
There are a lot of couples who let it all hang out once they “get comfortable” with one another. Think along the lines of unrestrained burping, farting, not worrying so much about dressing nice for each other, or decreasing concern with personal cleanliness around one’s partner.
Sorry folks, but this is a kiss of death on a romance over time. These are behaviours that, if let lose and unchecked, will slowly chip away at the romance, sexiness, excitement, and attraction you feel toward each other. They may even (with time and increasing frequency) usher in a sense of disgust, annoyance, and feelings of frustration toward your partner.
Acting this way is, in a sense, showing a sort of disrespect towards your partner. It’s a way of saying, “you aren’t worth my manners anymore.”
Obviously we are all human, and there will be slips. This is normal, healthy, and ok. There is a huge difference though between occasional slip-ups and just letting loose, with nary a concern or care for your partner or preservation of the relationship.
Remember, it is a romance. This person isn’t your platonic roommate.
They evolve and grow, both alongside and together.
People who have healthy relationships and one with staying power are very open to the influence of their partner, as well as, are interested in learning from each other.
All while they are individuals who consistently pursue growth, even when it might feel difficult or scary. Those who flourish, change, and grow together (as well as individuals), are more likely to stay together (and in a healthy and happy way), as opposed to people who remain stagnant and largely the same.
They go all in.
Couples who are truly smitten with one another and whose love goes the distance are not “mostly sure” about each other. They aren’t afraid of committing to you fully. They are not hot and cold.
Couples who are crazy about each other and who stay that way, have gone all in. They put their whole heart and all their effort into the relationship and their love for that person.
And this will be obvious and made very plain via their behavior.
They are in awe of each other.
Couples who maintain a deep, resounding love and respect for each other view one another with a sort of awe.
They see their partner as unique, extraordinary, irreplaceable, and special.
They feel inspired by this person and feel they stand much to learn from them.
They are impressed by and think incredibly highly of their love.
Even as they are aware of and see their partner’s flaws, shadow side, and character weaknesses (because true love isn’t blind. It’s choosing still to love with eyes wide open).
The good they see though far outweigh the other stuff.
