Media personality Tolu Oniru aka Toolz has opened up about dealing with the loss of her first pregnancy and the death of her father during an interview on ‘Chat with Chude Jideonwo.’
She further revealed that the death of her baby prepared her for her father’s death.
According to her, “Losing the baby before kind of toughened me up. So, at some point, I could see it coming. So, I did start to prepare myself even though I was a bit in denial as well. I think the first made me stronger for the second.”
While dealing with the issue of stillbirth and the loss of her dad, Toolz disclosed that she had another curve ball thrown at her when three months after the birth of her second child, her entire household tested positive for COVID-19.
“I remember I was just in a state of panic. It was very, very scary. I couldn’t have my sisters or anybody come because we were a COVID house. It was terrifying”, she said.
The On-Air Personality said that she went from making plans to decorate a nursery to receiving the bad news that she will never hold her child.
She described the experience as the moment she found hard to bear.
Recounting this experience, she said, “The doctor walked up to me and said, ‘I don’t think your baby is going to survive another week.’ I remember I went cold. And she was like, ‘There are a few things wrong and I don’t think your baby is going to survive another week’. We had gone from talking about how we were going to decorate the nursery and all these things to there might not be a baby. It was horrible.”
Taking in the news, Toolz explained how her faith in God kept her anchored through the entire experience.
She said that she heard a voice in her head saying, “This pregnancy is not going to work but you are going to be okay.”
Recalling the tragic evacuation process, Toolz said, “The doctor told me that the baby was not going to make it and advised that I go into labour. I am like, ‘What! I can’t do that. If you make me do that, I will literally run mad in the hospital.’ And she goes, ‘You will be fine.’ It was about seven hours of labour.”
In the midst of it all, Toolz took the common route that many mothers grieving after a miscarriage often take – shame and self-blame.
The radio personality disclosed that she convinced herself that there was something wrong with her.
However, with the help of a therapist, she let herself go through the grieving process, pray and get to a point where she eventually believed that it was not her fault.
In Toolz’ words, “I went from crying every day to going a week without crying. Then I went two weeks without crying. Then I went a month without crying.”
“I just managed to get through everything. I just kept praying. I was like, ‘God, you know why this is happening. I don’t understand this. I don’t understand why I am going through this but you know why”, she said.
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