When the story of adultery between the suspended MD of FCMB, Adam Nuru, and his wicked, heartless, conniving and collaborating secretary, Moyo Thomas, leading to the death of the woman’s original husband, Tunde Thomas, broke, I expected something ennobling from the women folk which never happened. I expected all conscientious women feminists and activists and their emasculated male counterparts who think it is the highest form of chivalry and gallantry to rise up for women at all times, whether rightly or wrongly, to lower their heads in shame as a form of contrition.
But nothing of the sort happened. Mum was the word from that camp. They all maintained a conspiratorial, embarrassed and sinful silence. None rose up to speak forcefully against all women who do the kind of thing Moyo Thomas has just done to her husband, some woman’s son
Just imagine if it was a man that had been the major culprit in that kind of saga; if it was a foolish action of a man with a scheming woman that led to his wife’s heart attack and her eventual death, hell would have been let. All men would have been demonised as unfeeling, cruel and beastly.
There would have been calls for the man’s prosecution, leaving, of course, the woman who participated very actively in the crime/sin. Some would have even called for the man’s castration. Of course in the eyes of many misguided souls, women can do no wrong in any matter, especially if it pertains to sex. Sex is, of course, a male thing. It is the man who does everything, with the woman only acceding because it is her portion to only consent. They are the weaker sex who must be protected at all cost even if doing so flies against obviously sensible reasoning.
My joy, however, is that God does not reason as men/women do. He has given all his creatures all the senses, power and the wisdom to discern good from the bad. He does not hold men up to a higher standard of behaviour than women. As Hillel the Elder has become famous for, God gave us one universal rule to guide our human conduct: ‘’Do unto others as you will want them to do unto you. All the laws are summarized into this and all the other commandments are a mere commentary on this ONE law’’. Cheating, adultery, affairs, flings, seeing and whatever stylish name you call it, hurt both male and female and both male and females are participating in it in equal, unrelenting measure. But the rule is don’t do it to your partner whether male or female. It kills, either instantly or in instalment. Above all, God does not like it at all.
And this is not the first time in recent times that the Nigerian womanhood and its sympathisers looked the other way when men became brutal victims of vengeful females who felt betrayed by their men. Some few years back when it began to look as if it was becoming fashionable for women to kill their husbands/boyfriends with the kitchen or slaughter knives, sometimes by slicing away the men’s manhood, no women groups, individual feminists and women’s causes’ activists rose up to condemn that mercifully terminated ‘revolution’. When it was discussed at all by women they tended to regard it as a crime that should largely be ignored and regarded as what is called in French crime passionel. Some even used that occasion to mock at men. They said it was outburst expression of the pent up anger of long-suffering and frustrated underdogs fighting back at the brutish men. As I have said, God does not reason as men do. He has one set of rules for all His creatures.
The way I see things, this modern world of ours is going to be destroyed by what I call the lack of sufficient moral indignation by a critical mass of humanity against all wrongs whether committed by a man or a woman or a boy or a girl. The world will be destroyed by sexism (gender], class and partisan politics. According to the custodians of modern thinking, things are only right or wrong depending on who (sex, the person and the political divide] did it and not what was done.
Because of the wrong-headed thinking that it is only men who misbehave in the sex department and that women are just sweet, innocent victims, not enough attention is being paid to women’s contribution to sexual immorality in our society which is growing at an alarming rate. The result, unfortunately, is that according to some account, Nigeria is the most adulterous nation on earth with 62 per cent of couples cheating their spouses. We just flow like that, accepting every new sexual misbehaviour as the new normal such that even in the village where I am penning this from, sexual boundaries are no longer obeyed. People are banging away with parents, friends and spouses paying no heed. No one is rebuking another. They say it is a sign of the End Time.
Statistics worldwide says 70 per cent of men cheat while 60 per cent of women do so. But I honestly think this is a lie. I don’t know how that is worked out because men must necessarily cheat with women so how can there be differences in the statistical figure? Or is it based on the frequency instead of the fact of the cheating itself? Another statistics says 20 per cent of all first children in a family are not the biological children of the men. They were brought from outside from the boyfriends, sugar daddies, bosses, teachers and male siblings of the women.
In light of these statistics, I support the motion that paternity test should be legalized, made compulsory for all births. In light of what we have seen so far and what we are seeing now, the time has come for a law against false paternity claim. Once a child is born, a DNA should immediately be conducted with all the husband and wife’s people in attendance so that it can conclusively be known who fathered the child. If it is discovered that a man is not the father of his child as falsely claimed by the woman, then the woman and whoever gave her the pregnancy should be charged to court for adultery and conduct prejudicial to social harmony, peace and justice. A man who marries a woman should be allowed to solely enjoy the fruit of his investment. Not only that. This will ensure all men and women are thereby encouraged to marry. That is what Apostle Paul told us in the Bible.
DNA should be as important as the National Identity Number and be included in the details of each citizen’s National Identity Card. If introduced, I can wager that adultery, especially on the part of the fertile pre-menopausal women, will be drastically reduced if not completely eliminated. We will not have to lose men such as the late Tunde Thomas in the Adam Nuru/Moyo Tunde Thomas saga. Men will live healthier and more confident lives. Nothing is as killing as discovering in old age that you were busy doing what my Bekwarra people call Ajayi work (laborious and extremely unproductive and unprofitable work] of raising another man or other men’s children as yours. The mental torture arising from such a discovery is worse than instant death even if it eventually leads you to it one day soon. You feel castrated. You feel your development has been arrested even when you think you were working very hard and productively. You are made to feel violated and rendered not as a real man. Nothing can be crueller, more debasing, more dehumanizing to do to a man. Who is a man when his manliness has not been demonstrated but done so vicariously by another man or men?
If the DNA matter is left for only willing men to determine who fathered the children under their care, the thought of social embarrassment arising from stupid pride will deter them from doing the necessary. Surely, the fear of facing embarrassment cannot be more important than establishing a bloodline of a child. Wayward women should be made to bear the shame of their stupid actions. If after DNA a man chooses to live with an adulterous woman/women, that will be his choice to make.
If we were a very serious-minded people, the moment the USA Embassy here started demanding paternity test for children meant to be taken to their country as one of the conditions for granting a visa, that is the time our government should have sat up and started asking serious questions and doing something to curb the rate of promiscuity and especially adulterous paternity fraud in our country.
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