Many people are being laid off their jobs in Nigeria because of the current economic recession.
As of the end of August, more than 4 million Nigerians have lost their jobs according to the National Bureau of Statistics. This shows that it is a huge problem. While Nigerian – been among the most religious people in the world – pray as hard as possible that job loss doesn’t touch their families, the sad truth is that for some people it is just inevitable.
According to psychologist, Dr. John Eze, when a man loses his job, he feels incapacitated for losing his source of income because he is expected to be the breadwinner.
So if it happens to a man, who is the breadwinner fro the household how can his wife be of help?
The psychologist gives these tips to women to help their husbands at such times:
1. Be tolerant: That a man loses his job is enough torment for him, such a time would not be the best time to remind him of what he could have done differently to keep his job. Besides, it is not strange for a man that loses his job to act in strange ways or be lost in thought, so the woman should be more tolerant of his behaviour and should not scold him.
“The problem with job loss is that no matter what the woman does, a man who feels it is his responsibility to take care of the family still feels the pain. So, the woman shouldn’t expect everything to go away from his mind at once. She should empathise with him, which tells him his wife understands his worries and she is ready to go through the process with him, Eze said.”
2. Watch him: In many cases, when people, especially men, lose their source of income, it brings depression and it is usually a delicate time. Eze adds that if the spouse is not very watchful, the person could commit suicide because of that. It becomes a bigger problem if the man no longer talks to anybody. As a way out, the woman is advised to find a way to engage the man in a discussion, so as to lighten his mood, boost his confidence and his social interaction, which could make him think productively on the way forward.
3. Find how to add humour: Given that such men are very sensitive to their wives’ language and actions, women are advised to bring in some humour into their discussions as it could be a form of support for the men in this category. “That could reduce their worries, take their mind away from how bad things are and help them see their wives as helpers until they get another job.”
4. Don’t over sympathise: Does a man need pity at that time? No. According to the psychologist, pity could make it worse as it tends to make the man realise how bad the situation is. Rather, the woman should give him emotional support and financial aid. “She could put money in his pocket without him asking, because asking all the time could make him feel less of a man,” he explained.
5. Don’t nag : The expert also says to avoid incessant quarrels and make his situation worse, it is better to ask the man what could be done to boost his income than telling him ‘why don’t you go and do this or that.’ He said it should be more of ‘we’ than ‘you’, noting that the man knows he is the one who needs a job. “She should use words like ‘I know it hurts you but we can do something about it,’ and let him know he is better than some people and he is still in charge of the home. That is empathy and it should not be forceful,” he said.
6. Spend only on needs, avoid the wants for now: It is equally advised that the couple should decide on this together rather than one person, especially if it is something that affects both of them. Thus, drawing a scale of preference together might be the way to go. However, let him not lose sight of the need to get a job.
7. Don’t hurry him into jumping on another job: At such times, women should avoid pushing the man to take steps. Don’t use a language like ‘go and apply to one company or the other, why don’t you go and look for job or are people like you not carrying blocks to make money?’ as the man would feel the woman is now directing him because of his situation. Eze says if the woman had not been doing much to bring in money, she could suggest what they could do together to raise money. And that is not the best time to point out the numerous needs in the house, but if he suggests taking up a vocation by himself, support him.
